I haven't felt close to God for at least a couple of years.
Why? I think I've done all the right things. I read my Bible, if not every day, than at least fairly regularly. I pray. I love the church. I even work there every Tuesday. I trust that God can work in my life. I have an insatiable desire for God - I feel like I've walked for days in the desert and desperately need his cool water.
So what is wrong? Why doesn't God speak to me? Why don't you, God? Where is that water you promise?
It might be that I have only just had a serious, honest look at my life. It's easy to just cruise along, and I'm a star cruiser. Only lately have I stopped to really think about it. But still, I have been doing all the right things. I have been working hard for God, and I desire his touch more than anything.
Surely, if he wanted to, he could meet me, wherever I am. Am I missing something?
God, why don't I feel you here with me? Where are you?
Wednesday 26 April 2006
Thursday 13 April 2006
Fear
I wonder if we really give God enough credit?
It seems to me that most of us believe we are in control of everything - or at least most things. My success, my finances, my life - I think it all depends on me. We think that everything we've achieved in the world is because we are so clever, industrial, intelligent.
I think this is only half the picture - not even that. Actually, I think this is a miniscule bit of the picture. I think that God controls everything - my life, my money, my success, my circumstances, my possessions, my ambitions, my health....... Without God, I am nothing. Any creativity, passion, knowledge, wisdom, friends - anything I have - is because of God. He gives me life. He could quite literally take my breath away any second.
That scares me a little bit.
I think it would be fairly arrogant to believe that I am in control. Seriously, what control do I have over my life? I could be out driving today and a truck could total me. My house could catch on fire. Centrelink could send me a letter saying I need to pay them back four grand. I could already have cancer and not know about it. My boss could fire me. And on the upside, I could be randomly promoted. I could get a cheque today for four grand from an anonymous person. Someone could give me a car. My wife might fall pregnant (except that she already is...!). Any of these could alter my life totally, and I have no control over any of them.
Who is in control of all of life? Well, you could say no one is, which is a bit depressing. I choose to believe that God is.
For this reason, I think that we need to fear God a whole lot more than we do now.... myself included. I need to come to God trembling, the way I fear my boss - times infinity. This I think is the beginning of wisdom.
It seems to me that most of us believe we are in control of everything - or at least most things. My success, my finances, my life - I think it all depends on me. We think that everything we've achieved in the world is because we are so clever, industrial, intelligent.
I think this is only half the picture - not even that. Actually, I think this is a miniscule bit of the picture. I think that God controls everything - my life, my money, my success, my circumstances, my possessions, my ambitions, my health....... Without God, I am nothing. Any creativity, passion, knowledge, wisdom, friends - anything I have - is because of God. He gives me life. He could quite literally take my breath away any second.
That scares me a little bit.
I think it would be fairly arrogant to believe that I am in control. Seriously, what control do I have over my life? I could be out driving today and a truck could total me. My house could catch on fire. Centrelink could send me a letter saying I need to pay them back four grand. I could already have cancer and not know about it. My boss could fire me. And on the upside, I could be randomly promoted. I could get a cheque today for four grand from an anonymous person. Someone could give me a car. My wife might fall pregnant (except that she already is...!). Any of these could alter my life totally, and I have no control over any of them.
Who is in control of all of life? Well, you could say no one is, which is a bit depressing. I choose to believe that God is.
For this reason, I think that we need to fear God a whole lot more than we do now.... myself included. I need to come to God trembling, the way I fear my boss - times infinity. This I think is the beginning of wisdom.
Tuesday 11 April 2006
Regrets
Are you doing what you want to be doing with your life?
I've talked to a few older people who look back at their life and wish they'd spent it differently. Many of them wish they'd spent less time trying to achieve, trying to be successful in business, trying to raise their reputation, buying bigger and bigger houses, better cars, the new boat... And they wish they'd spent more time with their family, with friends, doing things they enjoy, slowing down.
Some people really wanted to be in a rock band when they were young, or to be a writer, or to paint, or to be a carpenter, but it didn't earn enough, so they ignored their desires and spent their entire life doing something they didn't really enjoy.
What about your job at the moment? Do you enjoy it, or is it just to bring in more money? Do you really need more money?
It's surprising, but often the happiest people are those who are not well-off. The happiest people are not often the wealthiest, most successful. It's more often the people who are just doing what they were designed for.
And there is very good reason to slow down. We live our lives at such a fast pace. We work hard, and then work harder, and then get a second job and work harder still. And we don't spend time with our families, we stop going picnicking, stop camping, stop walking, stop enjoying life.
I love my wife, and we are happiest when we spend time together. And when our baby is born, I intend to spend as much time as I can with my child.
I choose not to centre my life around success and financial achievement. I choose to centre my life around relationships - with my family and friends. We don't always have a lot of money, but I'm sure when we get to the end of our lives, we won't regret it.
At least, that's what the old people say.
I've talked to a few older people who look back at their life and wish they'd spent it differently. Many of them wish they'd spent less time trying to achieve, trying to be successful in business, trying to raise their reputation, buying bigger and bigger houses, better cars, the new boat... And they wish they'd spent more time with their family, with friends, doing things they enjoy, slowing down.
Some people really wanted to be in a rock band when they were young, or to be a writer, or to paint, or to be a carpenter, but it didn't earn enough, so they ignored their desires and spent their entire life doing something they didn't really enjoy.
What about your job at the moment? Do you enjoy it, or is it just to bring in more money? Do you really need more money?
It's surprising, but often the happiest people are those who are not well-off. The happiest people are not often the wealthiest, most successful. It's more often the people who are just doing what they were designed for.
And there is very good reason to slow down. We live our lives at such a fast pace. We work hard, and then work harder, and then get a second job and work harder still. And we don't spend time with our families, we stop going picnicking, stop camping, stop walking, stop enjoying life.
I love my wife, and we are happiest when we spend time together. And when our baby is born, I intend to spend as much time as I can with my child.
I choose not to centre my life around success and financial achievement. I choose to centre my life around relationships - with my family and friends. We don't always have a lot of money, but I'm sure when we get to the end of our lives, we won't regret it.
At least, that's what the old people say.
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