I overheard one of the students telling his friend, "Ben's not allowed to swear because he's a chaplain. That's like a pastor."
I've heard this kind of thing quite a bit in my life. When I was in high school myself, one of my mates picked up that I was a Christian, and from that point on whenever he swore and I was anywhere nearby he always apologised to me straightaway. "Oh sorry Ben." No matter how many times I told him it didn't bother me.
Thankfully the people at my school now don't feel the need to protect me from nasty words.
So anyway, when the student in my room told his mate that I wasn't allowed to swear, I piped up, "Actually the Bible doesn't say we're not allowed to swear," I said.
"Doesn't it?" He was surprised.
"Nope, there's nothing in there at all about swearing."
I let him think about it for a few seconds, then said "It does say that we should be kind to others though, and a lot of people find swearing offensive. So if you're around people who find it offensive, Jesus would say don't do it."
"Oh yeah." He got it I think. I wanted him to think about the why, not just the what. Following Jesus is not a set of rules - a point that even a lot of Christians don't get.
This is one of the key differences between high school and primary school chaplaincy. Younger kids respond best to rules - bite-sized bits of information: don't swear, clean up your room, be kind to others, look out for the kids who don't have any friends, listen to the teacher, stay in line etc. With teenagers we're helping them to become adults, so they need to start thinking through these things. Eg. "Some people find swearing offensive so make sure you think about the people you're around." Or someone mucking up in class, "Understand that your teachers are trying to help you learn - they're not against you. They're doing all this because they care about you. Do you want to get smarter? Do you want to pass the test? Do you think there might be a way for you to help some of the other kids?"
With teenagers (and young adults), questions are more important than answers, and it's good to throw a spanner in the works if it gets them to think about something they've heard instead of just accepting it. This is even more important when it comes to their own faith.
