Still

It makes no sense to me. I keep questioning God. I know he could have done something. He could have saved our baby. We prayed so hard, everybody did, and yet God must have said "Not this time, I'm sorry." I've been angry at God. I know this is just how the world is, but surely we didn't have to go through miscarriage again? It doesn't seem fair. I'm not sure what my perspective is on prayer now - sometimes it feels like a waste of time....

And yet, I don't feel like I can sing, but I find myself singing, even if it's only weakly. I'm not sure what I think about God or prayer, but I still find myself praying. I don't know if I can worship God, but I still find worship coming out of me. I've given up on thinking....

I think Tim Hughes wrote "When Silence Falls" for me.

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I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing that I cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost
I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds
I call You Healer
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You
I will Praise You
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to You
I will praise You
Jesus praise You
Through the suffering
Still I will sing