When

Sometimes it feels to me like God is so far away. Sometimes I wonder why he would even want to be near me. I look at the world, and I look at myself, and I don't see much hope. And sometimes it seems like it will be like this forever.

I wanted to try to express all this, and you can read some of it in my post "Where are you, God?" back in April this year. The blog to me didn't seem to quite capture it, so I tried to write a song about it, and this is what came out. Sorry if the lyrics are a bit depressing! It means a lot to me....

Why do I walk away?
Why do I fall?
Why do I stand and shake my fist at the air
Like you’re not there at all?

Why do I scream at you?
Why do you hear?
Why are these walls always higher than I think?
And do you still care?

When will you save us?
When will we sing hallelujahs again?
When will you break us
Til we see your face?
Your amazing grace
Again

When will you save us?
How much longer will it go?
Why does it feel like we’re here on our own
And that you’re somewhere gone?

Why can’t I hear you?
Where should I go?
I’ve heard rumours of the glorious land
But it’s sure not here

When will you save us?

God let the angels sing
God let the praises ring
With shouts of glory for eternity
God bring us peace within
God let the children sing
With shouts of glory for eternity

[For me, this last bit is a chorus of hope. One day....]

Fences

Something Large

For a few years now I have had this sense that, if I could only reach just a little more, or run just a little harder, or jump just a little higher, or see just a little further, there would be a whole universe of wonder and glory, exploding with the sights, sounds and inexpressible thoughts of God. My deepest desire is to discover more of this infinity of God.

But I have also been getting the feeling lately that I won't get there by pushing harder or reaching further, but I might find it just by enjoying what I can of God in my own world - in the taste and aroma of my morning coffee, in the spontaneous kicks of my not-yet-born baby in my wife's tummy, in the honest lyrics of a talented musician - and maybe I will stumble onto a path to the God-universe.

Or maybe I will find that God's universe is not somewhere beyond my world at all, but has been here surrounding me all along...? Maybe.

This has got to be one of my all-time favourite songs, by the David Crowder Band, Mostly because of the opening verse. This is my life.

I'm so bored of little gods
While standing on the edge of
Something large
While standing here, so close to you
We could be consumed
What a glorious day

I give up, I lay down
Rest my face upon this ground
Lift my eyes to your sky
Rid my heart of all I hide

So sweet this surrender

How great your love for us
How great our love for you
That grace could cover us
How great your love

- "How Great", The David Crowder Band

Suffering and God?

How can God be loving if there is so much suffering in the world? Or, is God really in control of it all?

Please let me know what you think about this one!

Touch

I long for something beautiful
To touch my heart of pain
I'm desperate for waters pure
To cleanse my jaded shame

I don't know if I could take it though
But I would die if you let me be
Please cleanse my broken, dirty heart
But please don't look at me

I'm a helpless, broken thing
An eagle that can't soar
A lark that can't sing
Is there grace enough for me?
Please don't touch me
But please don't let me be

World Cup

Just got home from watching the World Cup final, Italy v France. We don't get SBS at home, so thanks Luke & Amy for letting me crash at 3.30 in the morning! It went through full extra time to a penalty shootout. Far out, that is not how the World Cup should be decided. Just waiting for some unlucky kicker to make a mistake....

I can't believe Italy won! They shouldn't have even won against Australia! Where is the justice in the world?

Still, it makes the Australian team look even better now that Italy have gone and won the World Cup. We gave it to the world champions for 93 minutes, and then only lost because of a dodgy ref's decision.

Go Aus! Next stop, Asian Cup, 16th August.

Sacred Space

If you, like me, want to give more time to "the sacred" instead of just doing so many things, check out this website. It's a site to help us pray, produced by the Irish Jesuits, who are so much better at it than me!....

http://www.sacredspace.ie/

Put aside some time so you don't have to rush.... I guess this is the kind of thing that's good to practise a lot!

The Non-Religious God

I've been reading some of the Jesus stories in the gospels lately (the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John), and I've been noticing more and more just how REAL everything is.

Jesus hung out with fishermen, tax collectors, prostitutes, lawyers, etc. And he was constantly going to parties with drunks, sailing across the sea smelling of fish, walking miles between cities and getting very dusty, sweaty and exhausted. These stories aren't just about religious ceremonies, or great epiphanies, or sacred rites, or mountaintop supernatural experiences for the spiritually elite. They tell of real, "unspiritual" people, in real life.

Jesus' parables and the entire God story relates to our everyday lives MORE than our church-on-Sunday "spiritual" lives. I like that about it.

P.S. To the "onlooker" who commented on the Braveheart post, thanks for your remarks! I agree that the church is not as effective as it could be - and in many ways is not an accurate representation of God in the world. Sadly, in some ways, we have actually lived exactly the opposite of the message of Christ (the "good news"). Speaking as one of those in the church, I am truly sorry that we have left so many people "bruised and battered" along the way. For a group of people who exist because of the love and grace of God, we have had some very sad moments in our history. I am deeply sorry.

Lily

Braveheart

What does this world need?

When I look at the world, in general I see a people dying. Who is really alive? Are there any amongst us who are tasting life to the full, rich and bursting with beauty? I look around and instead see far too many people with depression, or just hopelessness and despair. I see people searching desperately for life, or people convincing themselves that they already have it, or people giving up and finally saying "This must be all there is...."

But this can't be true! There must be more than this! I don't want to live a mediocre, hopeless, meaningless life. Please someone show me some other way!

On behalf of my world, I'm asking for leaders with vision and courage to give us hope. There is no more important time to stand up and be bold. Watch Braveheart again and be a leader like William Wallace. Show us what truth there is, show us what beauty there is, give us something valuable to live for. We are confused - walking blindly in a haze. Leaders, please stand up and lead. Lead with courage. Lead with integrity. And don't leave our side.

I would follow you.